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Anything but deceit… I have forgotten you; Well almost. But, your memories, when they come, they sweep me unexpectedly like a storm. Events swirl in my mind with a flurry like the leaves that whirl with the force of the wind. Hurriedly I shut all the windows of my mind just as I would have done at home at the onset of a storm. The mind gets hazy and brown. The heart beats faster and face gets flushed red with rush of blood. Anger, hatred and disgust fill my thoughts. Just as rains succeed the summer dust storms, the storm within calms down as tears flow. Still, after all these years? Yes. How I wish I had lost you to anything but this. I ask myself questions. What if you’d gone off to some distant land, some road that was calling out your name, and a forbidden country from which no return was ever possible? Or if you had died, in a plane crash or in a road accident or just plain naturally? Then you’d be the man I thought you were and I, the woman that I want to be. I would have cried....

As I lie in bed, still half asleep I dream of you beside me I can feel your arms around me, your lips on my neck, your warm breath, caressing me gently. How I wish never to wake up, unless its you who wakes me. Shubhra 6th April, 2007

Why do you need a day to celebrate and recognize women? What about the remaining 364 days? Is a woman any less important on the remaining days? Is she not worth 365 days of celebration and recognition? Oh you foolish women... Stop being dependent on a day to celebrate yourself You are worth each moment of your existence and Oh you selfish men... Wakeup and look around. You would not exist if the woman didn't. Shubhra 8th March 2007

I wonder What happened? How did this happen? and why? Neither intended nor proposed Not in the scheme of things. Yet, I came this far I had plans set to reason. How then did this happen? Wonder I did and then it dawned. The mind makes plans, sets them to logic. But the heart? Well, it has a mind of its own. Shubhra 26th February, 2007

Recently a close aunt of mine passed away. I would say close because the families were very close till we were in Kanpur. Later as we moved away distance did affect everyone. My childhood had fond memories of visit to her house and playing in their vast lawns. I somehow always liked her presence. When one Sunday evening I heard of her death, I remembered her for a moment and then carried on with whatever else I was doing. It was then it struck me, death after all affects who? I questioned and answered and then argued within my head. Finally I did get my answer. Its always a loss only to the immediate family or friends. Now one would think what a profound answer that is. To my mind it is. For me it is. What is death, absence of the person in his/her physical form. Now the real loss or pain of that life long absence is felt only by those who are in the absolute daily contact of the person. A father, a son, a daughter, a mother, a grand mother, a grand father, a long associated servant, t...

Medium: Oil on Canvas January 21, 2007

ज़िंदगी में कयी ऐसे सवाल होते हैं जिनके कोई जवाब नही होते और अगर होते भी हैं तो उनको कहने वाले जनाब नही होते वो जवाब कहीं रह जाते हैं खो जाते हैं कभी खामोशियों में कभी शोर में हो जाते हैं गुम कुछ सच्चाई से डर कर कुछ ज़माने से डर कर कुछ खुद सावल ही से डर कर बस हो जाते हैं गुम पर वो सवाल कहीँ नही जाते हैं वो घूमते रहते हैं यहाँ से वहाँ तक इस पन्ने से उस पन्ने तक इस ज़ुबान से उस ज़ुबान तक इस मन से उस मन तक इस कविता से उस कविता तक एक सदी से दूसरी सदी तक जिसके पास भी जाते हैं बस जवाब ढूँढते हैं परेशान करते हैं उलझनें पैदा करते हैं नये सवाल खड़े करते हैं पर उनको फिर भी मिलते नही जवाब वो जवाब ऐसे ही रहते हैं गुम रहते हैं खामोश करते हैं इंतज़ार उस एक जनाब का जिसके लफ़्ज़ों में इन सवालों के जवाबों को कभी मिले पनाह शुभ्रा, January 19, 2007

Medium: Oil paint on canvas. December 17, 2006

I long for your touch for that soothing kiss for the warm embrace where I lose myself to you for your look that assures all will be well today I just long for you

Last night it was very cold and slightly foggy. It must have been about 11.30 pm or so and I was on my way back from office. On the signal near my house, I saw a beggar. I always see him. A frail old guy, grey, almost white hair, wearing glasses that were thick and one could hardly see what his eyes were like. He was clad in a light green dhoti or what we in UP call angocha, and a kurta which had almost gone black with all the smoke from the vehicles. He had an aluminum bowl in his hand and he was begging. Shivering and shaking, going from one car to another. He was bare feet and upto his thighs his legs were all bare. All the cars waiting had their windows up, mostly must have had their heaters on and hardly bothered about him. Some didn't even notice him, their attention was focused on the signal, waiting for it to turn green. I was farther off in my car, windows down, enjoying the feel of the winter and watching this old beggar go from one car to another... Before he came to me ...

I want to fly high like a bird to swim deep like a fish to flow freely like a river to wander like a thought no limits no ifs no buts no yes no no to break free to let go to fly high to swim deep to be me I am a prisoner of my own thoughts limited by my own self bounded by my own belief I want to break free to let go to break free to be me Shubhra composed on 27/12/06 at 1 am

नींद भरी आँखें न सोती न जगती आँखें न कुछ कह कर भी सब कुछ कहती आँखें रोज़ नये ख्वाब देखती आँखें प्यार की खुशी से दमकती आँखें यार के इंतज़ार में मचलती आँखे नज़रों में लम्हात बटोरती आँखें रोज़ कयी ख्वाब बुन्ति आँखें गम में नम आँखें टूटे ख्वाबों पर रोती आँखें यार की जुदाई में उदास आँखें अपने माज़ी को हर शय में खोजती आँखें अश्कों को पलकों पर रोकती आँखें मन का आईना हैं आँखें ख्वाबों की तस्वीर हैं आँखें झरोखा मेरी दुनिया का, ये आँखें ये ख़ामोश आँखें, मेरी ख़ामोश आँखें शुभ्रा 27/12/06 at 1 am

Jeeja in her traditional dress

On way to Gamshali

Dronagiri

The Magestic Nanda Devi

I have been in Media all through. Started with niche area and then joined a main stream media organization, but its only in last 1 year or so that I have actually understood what this profession is all about. Being an HR person, earlier I use to treat all people alike and for me they were employees… but now I can see a difference, they are foremost journalist and then an employee… Being in HR I have also got a chance to interact and observe all kinds of people and from all genre. The veterans and the trainees on one side, those who have worked hard and made their name and place in the new media on the other side and also those who couldn’t care less about anything… Therefore today I pen down what I feel about today’s time and manner. I feel that the time that one is exposed to today is the most difficult for anyone in this field. This time is the real test of a person’s desire, ambition, ethics and all those values that brought him or her into this field. The men will be separated from...

I just read a thought posted by my friend on her msn spaces...She talked about how we end up behaving badly with people and how we are rude with telecallers etc... It took me to my experience... I have been rude to tele callers, to people calling up for jobs... To people coming over to office without an appointment and asking for 5 mins.... I don't meet them... as if, if they had taken appointment I would have met them... I know I can't help them, I know I am pressed for time, I know I don't need credit cards or loans, yet I do all that and disappoint one or at times many people... I remember the times when I was looking for a job and seeking appointments... I use to say when I become an HR manager I will definitely not be like them... Yet when I am on the other side... I think only of me and my time and all the manners etc go to a moral science book... I never wanted to be this way... but I also wonder in this age and time can one survive without being like that... I still...

Sometime back Sachin Tendulkar was in news again for all the wrong reasons. He apparently got out for a score of 1. All the media was full of things like is it time for Sachin to be out... is he going the Ganguly way etc... Then he had a shoulder injury and was operated aupon... again the people went about should he retire...? Should he retire like Steve Waugh or will he go the Gavaskar and Kapil Dev way... My heart went out to him. When a guy makes hundreds of runs its ok but if he happens to be out for 1 then he is over... A guy who has shouldered the expectations of millions of people the world over all these years and yet managed to keep his head over his shoulders and perform wonders is being put in the docket again and again... Its just unfair...I feel like shouting to the world pls give him a break, whenever this kind of talks sprung up. On the other hand his critics say that he is a public figure and we have all the right to comment on him and his future and to write both goo...

All of yday evg and the whole of today the country, specially the media is going beserk on Bush reaching India.... I understand that its not everyday that US president visits India... but then this president is not worth all this hype... how can we forget 9/11.... it was his govt's security lapse and intelligence failure that led it to happen.... then Afganistan war.... Iraq war... At Iraq he had no agenda of his own but was just fulfilling his dad's agenda... how can we forget the human right's commissions reports on how american soldiers are treating the iraqi prisoners... This man is no reformer.... If we as a country want to fight for justice and stand for what is right than we cannot and should not treat him so highly. I understand that economically we need US and they need us, but then we should also speak against them when they are out there to kill innocent people and just capture states.... When Clinton was here as President, I just was too ecstatic that he had vis...